Confidence

The meaning of the word Confidence – means the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.

So for a word that seems to have such a simple meaning, why do we struggle with it so much?

How can we not have an internal faith within us, that gives us the confidence to believe in ourselves?

How can it seem like such a simple statement, but the reality is. It effects us so deeply, it can morph us into people we don’t recognise

I think that confidence is a lot like grief, yeah? it comes in waves? Some days you have it all together, and you feel like you’ve got life nailed. Weather its brushing your hair – or feeling confident as fuck as you walk around in your favourite jeans. Then sometimes, you can’t bare to look at yourself in the mirror? Or you’ve eaten something that consumes you with so much guilt, that any confidence you had in your ability to lead a balanced life style has packed up and fucked right off out the window?

Confidence is so much more than belief and faith, its about owning who you are. Working on yourself damn hard, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY to give yourself the best possible body, mind and soul. Its about acceptance. Accepting, that things don’t always go to plan – or that sometimes things or days are just plan shit.

Confidence is about owning and accepting your flaws. Everyone has them, no ones perfect, as someone said to me “no judging” because really, who are we to judge ourselves or others? reality and truth is that we do judge, intentionally or not, but I personally think that comes back to acceptance.

Confidence also doesn’t happen over night and for most people its not an everyday thing. I spent the majority of my 20’s hating myself and my body. Even after plastic surgery. While I can now hand on heart say it was best thing I ever did. But going back 9 years, to a the 23 year old me. I think, no actually I know –  my self confidence was existent. In all aspects of my life. I was working in a department where I felt like I was drowning – outside of work.I didn’t date, I barely spoke to people that I didn’t know. If I was attracted to someone, I wouldn’t even look at them or speak to them. Let alone taking off my clothes.

I think worst of all, I wanted so badly to change who I was on the outside, I forgot to like what was on the inside. I was fearful. So worried about what everyone thought of me. I saw no real value in myself. I couldn’t envision that things could be better or different, and like I’ve said before, the changes didn’t come over night –  Its not like I woke up one day and went – ” oh, I’m confident now” Even today, there are things that I am not sure about, not confident in. But i’m more open to giving things a go. I make sure I  surround myself with people who get me, they love me and like me for who I am. Flawed or otherwise. When things are good – or when things are ugly. When sometimes you aren’t the best version of yourself. My people in my circle have loved me through a lot of life’s challenges. They give me the confidence to be the best person I can.

On a deeper level I believe that  confidence is about being vulnerable. Because thats the real you, when you truely let your guard down. Its about hard conversations that involve feelings, well, it is for me. Its also about me showing that I have a softer side, a side of myself I don’t let many people see very often. Its about admitting what terrifies me and keeps me awake at night, sharing some of fears with those closest to me. But knowing I am strong enough and confident enough to handle it. Its about believing in yourself that no matter how long it takes.

Confidence won’t happen over night, but if you just try. You may just find you end up living your best life.

So wear the Jeans ladies. WEAR THE FUCKING JEANS. ok? Because everyone has rolls show somewhere when they sit in their jeans.